were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
