Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
