Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
