I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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