The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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