Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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