It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
