what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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