it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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