Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
