Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
