I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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