dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
smell my finger.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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