i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
