i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
