i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
