I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
