i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I had to cum in my sink.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
