Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
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I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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