If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Randomize
