Well apparently he's into motor boating.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Randomize
