I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
