The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
