Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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