alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
