we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
