DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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