There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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