i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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