Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
This is my gift to your gina
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
