i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
