I just pynch a tree in the face
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
