its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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