Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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