plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
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