I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i can't believe i had my finger in that
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
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