Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My vagina is officially offended.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
