Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
