your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
