as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
