Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
