Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
