and she was petting her beer can
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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