sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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