I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
