btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
