if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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