Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
