Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
