you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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