i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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