life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
