Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
