We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
