his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
