And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
