Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
