I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
