I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
