a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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