my mouth tastes like poor choices
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
