im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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