Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She's the barista slut.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
