right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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