no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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