Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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