You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
