I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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