you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
