Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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