Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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