I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
