so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
