One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
