i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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