When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
