Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
