sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
