If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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