Pappa wants mamma naked
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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