We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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