new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
