I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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