i jhust puked up my retainher.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
