I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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