my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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