I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
should my penis look like a turkey
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
