i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
