Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
